Happiness Is...

 

We’ve always been told that our basic rights include “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” That part about happiness is a great idea, but there’s one thing missing—how do you recognize it when you think you’ve found it? Did you find happiness or did it sneak up on you when you weren’t looking?

 

Happiness seems to mean different things for everyone. Those who are materialistically motivated are only satisfied when they have all the toys in their playpen. The more expensive the gadget or bauble, the happier they are. Some people get that glow when they’re the center of attention. An offshoot of this personality type can only find joy when they demean others and make them feel inferior so they can feel better about themselves. Then there are those who think happiness and true love are joined at the hip. These same folks probably watch every Lifetime Christmas movie, and write love letters to the characters.

 

A friend once asked what makes me happy. I had to think about that one, because I didn’t have a ready-made response. While I find comfort in financial security, career success, or a close friendship, I can’t really tag one as the standard. There are times when I’m happy after enjoying an evening with friends, especially if it involves a nice dinner and a lot of laughs. A vacation at my favorite getaway spot makes me happy, until I get home and realize it’s over. A terrific book review makes me feel like doing cartwheels in front of my house. Fortunately, I’ve never done that, which probably makes my neighbors happy.

 

I’ve come to the conclusion that happiness is relative to where you are in your life. When I was growing up, doing fun family things made me smile, especially around holidays. As I got older and discovered the opposite sex, spending time with someone I liked made me happy. Getting a raise or good performance evaluation when I was on the job always brought out the happy hormones, too. 

 

I came across a list of 7 common myths about happiness. I won’t include all of them, but a few struck a chord with me, and they might with you. I think these hit me between the eyes because I’ve been guilty of this kind of thinking. 

 

“If I have lots of money, I will be happy.” An infusion of greenbacks can get you a lot of things, but beyond your basic needs and financial security, the upgrades won’t really improve your mood in the long run. There have been times in my life when I didn’t have two quarters to rub together, but I still found something to be happy about.   

 

“I have to be better than just OK to be happy.” This sounds like the credo of Overachievers Anonymous. Is the follow-up line “…and as long as I’m better than you, I’m even happier”? I’ve known people with this Type A personality trait and I avoided them, lest I get run over in their race to the happiness finish line. The problem is that it’s a moving target, and people with this mindset never seem to get there.   

 

“When I find true love, then I will be happy.” This is probably the most erroneous myth ever, even though it’s the basic ingredient in romance novels.  Love can be the greatest feeling in the world, but it’s also painful if it doesn’t work out. As with most life pursuits, keep a realistic attitude, and be careful what you wish for. I have a woman friend who has been searching for true everlasting love for twenty-plus years. She hasn’t found it yet because she set high standards for a potential mate, including a written list of qualifications. If Mr. Perfect doesn’t check all the boxes, he can keep walking. She never seems to be very happy, either.  

         

“When life is normal again, then I can be happy again.” For this one to come to fruition, you first need to define “normal.” It seems to change on a weekly basis, and what was once considered normal has taken on a different meaning. Why not adapt to what is now the norm in your own life and make the best of it?

 

There’s no hard-and-fast qualifier for happiness. It’s really what you choose to make it. Many people are happy when they’ve finished their day’s labors and can relax at home with their loved ones, a favorite TV show and a cold brew. Others find joy in hitting the winning home run for their softball team, or playing a great round of golf. Some folks derive satisfaction from fishing or hunting. Other adventurous souls become overjoyed when they stumble across a sale at their favorite store, and their credit card isn’t maxed out.

 

What pushes your happy button?  

 

Tim Smith is an award-winning, bestselling author of romantic mystery/thrillers and contemporary romantic comedies. His website is Tim Smith, AllAuthor.com