New Year, Same Determination

A long, long time ago, when I first discovered by love for romance novels and was struck with the desire to write my own, I went to Walden Books (yes, that's long ago it was) and picked up Writing Romance for Idiots. A close cousin of the popular dummies' books. This was before yahoo groups and social media. It wasn't before the internet, but definitely predated using the internet for absolutely everything, like we do now. Back then I wanted to write traditional historical romance novels, like the ones I read and loved. Which I still dream of writing, with a saucier twist than the ones I wrote back then. 

How to write romance for idiots gave lots of great advice. I haven't read the book in ages, but I'm sure much of it doesn't apply any longer. The industry has changed so much since then. But one of the tips I always remember was to go to a bookstore and see where you're books would fit on the shelves. The idea was to pick a pen name that would situate you near authors of similar genre, so you might attract a reader to pick up your book along with your fellow author's.

This is where my books would reside in my local Barnes and Noble

This advice isn't relevant to how readers discover books anymore, but it's still a habit to check out my sister authors every time I enter a bookstore. I love to see what other authors I would be surrounded by if I did get my book into their bookstores. Or what covers might border my books.

For the last few years, my life has been crazy. So much has been changing. My family, my location, my priorities. It would have been easy give up on my writing amidst all this upheaval. I'm almost ashamed to admit, I did consider it. Especially after being so long without finishing a book, and knowing how much work it will be to get back to where I was before. I had to really take stock if I still wanted this writing career anymore. Maybe I'd done what I wanted to do. I'd been published. I made a little money. I made some great friends. Maybe I should walk away with my good memories and be done.

But the more I thought about giving up, the more it became clear I couldn't do it. Not just because I still have so many characters and stories running around in my head (though that is true). But because there are so many goals I still want to accomplish. So many things I wanted to do and see and experience with my writing. I wanted to see my book on those shelves, sandwiched between such prized authors. I wanted to get the chance to write the historicals that drew me to romance in the first place. And paranormals. And dark romance. And maybe dystopian or fantasy. I wanted to see readers devouring the books I write. To know, even for a little while, I gave someone else happiness and joy with my words.

I couldn't walk away. I couldn't give up on myself and my dreams like that. My only option was to keep going, to keep pushing, no matter how hard. Even though I won't be able to devote the same time and energy that I used to. I'm still going to work towards these big goals. Because some dreams are worth fighting for. And this year I am determined to make them happen.

And I hope you do the same for yourself. Never give up. Never stop trying. If it's something you really want, keep fighting. Because I have no doubt if I keep pushing, keep working and keep dreaming, one day I will accomplish these big goals and make my dreams come true. And I'm sure you will too.

Rewardin’ My Self

For any who have read this blog over the last several years, you know I’m big on goals. I love to set them. I love to achieve them. One might say I’m a little too obsessed with them. I have a tendency to set my aspirations a little too high, which is why I rarely meet them. That’s just how I roll. I know some people find this discouraging, but I believe if you reach for a high goal, even if you don’t make it, you are bound to end up somewhere great.

But as much as I love to make goals, and strive to achieve them, I’m not great at celebrating those achievements. Most years, I set a reward for myself if I ‘win’ Nanowrimo, but I can only think of one instance where I actually bought myself the reward. Last year, I wrote almost 20k in five days because I so desperately wanted the prize I promised myself, and I am still yet to purchase it.

We are now halfway through 2024, and I’m trying to get back onto my goals again. I still have a few things I want to accomplish this year, and I haven’t done nearly as much towards achieving those goals as I would like. So I’ve set up a new system of monitoring and achieving my goals. And with that I selected another round of rewards to gift myself if I achieve these goals. And so far, I’m doing a little better rewarding myself than I have in the past. 

But I’ve only managed to do that by applying these new rules for the prizes that can be awarded and the way that I give myself those gifts.

1. Set prizes I really want. Often I convince myself I want a certain prize for achieving a reward that isn’t what I actually want. And therefore it is not all that motivating. For years I have set rewards for meeting my workout goals that I didn’t really want. Usually I would set a goal of more workout classes, workout clothes, DVDs and music too workout to. These were the type of goals I thought I should get for this goal, but in truth it always felt like a reward of hard work with more work. No thank you. Instead this last month, I am rewarding myself with money towards house purchases. Things I want to buy, but always convince myself I don’t really need. Nothing to do with working out at all. Turns out I find getting a new mirror for my bathroom, or a milk frothier just because I’d like it, is far more motivating than new workout gear or yoga classes could ever be.

2. Make them frivolous. I tend to be a very frugal person. I don’t really like to buy things, and often convince myself I don’t need anything. Which is all well and good most of the time, but when it comes to being motived, the practical doesn’t do it. To find something that will encourage me to push that extra mile it has to be something I wouldn’t normally buy myself. Something a little extra, and frivolous. And making these rewards all the more special.

3. Immediately gratification. One of the issues I’ve had in the past is that I often forced myself to wait to receive a reward I’ve earned. Sometimes it’s because I’m waiting for the reward to be available, but most often it’s just because it doesn’t seem crucial. I’ll put off getting a reward, thinking that I can just get it later. But when I put off receiving that prize, not only do I not get the serotonin spike for achieving the goal, but I often convince myself it’s been so long since I was supposed to get the reward and I didn’t, so I don’t really need it. For this set of goals, I’m purchasing the rewards (or move money into an account if that is the reward) right after achieving the goal. Minutes after if possible. No doing it later. No thinking about, it which leads to not getting anything. Immediate gratification, and immediate celebration.

These are all the ways I am changing my system to reward myself for what I accomplish. And I hope, that by making these changes, and giving myself the rewards I deserve, it will not only be more motivating to me to complete my goals but also more rewarding. I want to start learning to fulfill the promises that I make to myself, and improve my ability to believe in myself and what I can do.

What tricks do you use to motivate yourself? Do you offer yourself rewards? And if so, what are they? I’d love to hear in the comments below.

Habits over Goals – My New New Year’s Resolution

I’m a very goal focused person. I’m very good at creating goals, I’m okay at meeting those goals. Of course, I don’t succeed in every goal I set – I don’t think there is anyone on the planet that does—but I am good at working towards them. If I set a goal, I’m going to work towards that goal until either its complete, or it’s no longer possible. I will just keep grinding, pushing myself to complete that goal any way possible. Even if its not always through the healthiest methods.

But while I might be good at meeting these goals, the work I do to get there is often not sustainable. Nor am I good trying to create systems or habits that would make a goal like this not only easier but also repeatable.  Nanowrimo is a great example of this. For thirty days I work myself to the bone, with so many other amazing writers, and hit that 50k words. I write in the middle of the night, while I’m eating dinner, on my lunch break, any time I can find. And I hit that goal. For a little while I celebrate. I might even keep writing with the same kind of intensity, high off the excitement of the accomplishment. But within a month or two I go back to the same old bad habits. Sitting on the couch and scrolling through Instagram instead of writing, not prioritizing or setting aside time for writing. And letting time go by without completing another story, or seeing another set of my characters find their happily ever after.

While I don’t think hitting 50k words every month would ever be realistic on a more routine basis (at least for me, if you can do it, I am very jealous). But it would be nice to use the time I spent feverously getting all these words to create habits that would carry me through, and help me finish stories until the next year, when Nanowrimo strikes again.

So this year, instead of setting New Year’s Resolutions of what I want to accomplish, what books I want to write or revise, how much I want to read, or how much promotion I want to do, I want to focus on growing habits that will help me meet those goals. Not once. Not just for this year. Not just when I push myself too hard, or demand too much of myself. But every month. For good.

The biggest habit I want to create is to set aside time for writing and revising routinely. Not just when the mood crosses me. Not just when nothing else is going on. But on a routine basis. It has been a long time since I have been able to create this kind of a regular schedule, but when I did I had the most successful year of my career. As I’ve proven in other areas of my life, keeping consistent, and just working through always breeds results. Eventually. It’s the getting there that can be difficult. Especially when you can’t see the results right away.

While I’d certainly love to duplicate that fantastic year I did stay on schedule, I know expecting that, especially my first year of creating a new habit, is unrealistic. But it would be nice to feel like I was making better progress on my stories. Over the last few years I have struggled with staying connected to one story, and seeing it through to completion. Too often it feels like I work and work and work on a story, and it doesn’t get anywhere. Or takes forever. Intellectually I know if I keep going, if I maintain that consistent schedule, I will eventually see and feel that progress. But being unable to force myself to stick to the schedule, to stay consistent, to often stops me from seeing the results that I want.

For 2024 I’d like to find a few times a week that I will write and stick to those times. I want to focus on not just selecting times when I might want to write, but treating those sessions with the importance they deserve. Like a doctor’s appointments or job interviews, I want to view these times as unchangeable and unavoidable. Not something that can be moved aside or ignored when life gets in the way.

I’d also like to develop a habit of reading more. Not only am I a better writer when I am reading, the constant stream new ideas and beautiful words fuel my creativity, but also reading makes me happy, and doing more of it makes me a happier person. To fit more reading into my life might mean I need to change my reading style. Maybe listen to more audio books or getting a kindle unlimited subscription again (which I loved but was afraid I didn’t use enough, so I cancelled it a few years ago). Whatever the option to bring more writing into my life, I want to focus on it and bring more joy to my life. 

And most of all, I want to find a way to integrate these habits into my life without disrupting any of the other habits I currently maintain. Over the last few years of have done a lot of work to create an exercise habit that has helped me to lose over twenty pounds, as well as bring down my blood pressure and cholesterol. While I love writing, and want to do more of it, I don’t want to forfeit one positive habit for another. Especially not when it comes to my health, which is more important than any story or character I might write.

These are the habits I want to work on implementing this year so far, but I’m sure more will come to me as the year goes on. Maybe when I integrate these habits into my life, other positive habits will arise for me to create. Only time will tell.

Until then, I will work on creating these good habits, anxiously anticipating how they will help me accomplish all the goals I wish for in a healthy consistent way. And maybe bring some more success and peace to my life.