Falling in love? What a confusing, turbulent, disturbing and ecstatic state. And when it happens to us, well… even if we think we want out, it’s too late: we’re fixated. From now on our judgment will be muddled, our behavior compulsive. Our heart pounds, our knees melt, our skin is flushed (with that fleeting “love beauty”) and we’re crazed, elated, sleepless, filled with self-doubt or fear of failure. Our appetite has vanished, and we crave, quite obsessively, our love object. This “can’t-think-of-anything-else” state of mind allows us to focus obsessively on only one person: the love object.
So why can’t we think clearly when we’re falling in love? Because we’ve in the clutches of an addiction. In our love state, our body releases dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine, chemicals responsible for the racing heart, the feelings of excitement and bliss. Even our serotonin levels are lowered until we’re on a par with people suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorders. Add an intense production of estrogen and testosterone to lure us into the sexual arena, mix in the bonding chemical oxytocin that’s released when we have sex (the more sex, the stronger the bonding) and you see why we’re doomed. So here we are, in a chemical state of mind where the world has become a magical place and with, too often, the most unlikely person as a love object.
Here’s where things get interesting for readers of romance. Most people fall “in love” four to nine times a lifetime, but some people — “love addicts” — need the thrill of falling in love over and over again. And have you noticed how many readers and writers say they’re “addicted” to romance books? How many times an author has claimed to have “fallen in love” with her hero or heroine? That’s right. They actually have. In other words, when writing romance, we truly (albeit temporarily) fall into the ecstatic love state with the wonderful person we've created.
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