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Friday, August 16, 2024

Killing Romance Tropes: The Deep Misunderstanding

 

 


by J. Arlene Culiner

 

Tiffany loves Greg madly — but from a distance. Greg is crazy about Tiffany— also from a distance. The perfect love story? No way. Despite passionate longing, secret glances, dreams, and the deep misery of unrequited love, their romance is presently on hold. Even worse… it might never come to fruition. Why?

 

Because Tiffany is wildly jealous of Honey, the adorable female Greg lives with. Greg, on the other hand, is convinced that Tiffany about to enter a nunnery. For some 175 pages, instead of clearing the air, Tiffany and Greg sulk in opposite corners, snarl, and send each other agonized looks that both misinterpret as hate, anger, or rejection.

 

The misunderstanding/miscommunication trope — someone doing or saying something that is devastatingly misconstrued by another — has been around for many long years. It was pretty well the main trope around back in the 1960s when Mills and Boon were churning out their icy, passionless romance novels. It took the writer Jilly Cooper to break the mold with her loopy, lively heroines (Bella, Prudence, Emily, Octavia and Harriet) who were utterly honest, imperfect, promiscuous, and funny, and with the difficult but imperfectly wonderful men they loved.

 

With the deep misunderstanding trope, it is only in the very last chapters that hero and heroine discover they’ve got it all wrong, and that’s usually because a third party has intervened — after all, Tiffany and Greg, remarkably bad at communication, are experts in confusion. Now and only now, Tiffany discovers that Honey is Greg’s pet boa constrictor, and Greg learns that the Nunnery is a knitting-for-charity club that Tiffany attends once a week. The air is cleared, the road to romance is open, both can declare their love and go on to a loving future.

 

            Or will they? Deep misunderstandings occur when people refuse to understand each other, or because they have bad communication skills. Misunderstandings are common enough when two people live together, but when an innate tendency to secretiveness is a habit or a personality trait, relationship therapists get rich and the divorce courts keep busy.

 

            So, after that first flush of sexy bliss, will Tiffany and Greg live happily ever after? I doubt it. They’ll settle into a relationship filled with misunderstandings and secrets, will constantly feel offended, and forever sneak into corners to brood. And they’ll always resort to complaining bitterly to understanding and patient friends.

 


 

 

 

 

 

Trope-less omance with delicious heroes, unconventional heroines, and offbeat settings

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Storytelling Podcast: https://soundcloud.com/j-arlene-culiner 
  

3 comments:

Tina Donahue said...

Love your post, J. I've always loathed the misunderstanding trope. So dumb. It's delay, not real conflict. If I'm not wrong, no self-respecting publisher would take on one of these books today.

Another trope I hate is the snarling Alpha (terribly misunderstood don't you know) who the heroine has to soothe. Please. I'd run as fast as I could from a jerk like that, after smacking him upside the head and yelling, "Grow UP".

To me, Alpha isn't snarling, mean, or bossy. He's a man who's comfortable in his own skin and has integrity. He doesn't change his mind or principles every time the wind changes direction.

J. Arlene Culiner said...

I agree, Tina. So why do so many books still have those snarlers?

Tina Donahue said...

I believe it's cultural, J. Women in this country have been taught from little on to be nice, nurturing, to smile, not to make waves (even if it means saving themselves from domestic abuse), ad nauseum.

It troubles me that young women are growing up with these stereotypes and accept - yes ACCEPT - that guys will cheat on them and possibly hurt them, but it's the woman's job to help the guy see the light.

Screw that. At the first indication of any male mistreating you whether it's making fun of you in front of others ("I was only kidding, honey. You're too sensitive.") or squeezing your wrist/arm while he's yelling at you, run don't walk in the opposite direction. You deserve better. All women deserve better.