The Virgin Trope – Yay or Nay?

The Virgin Trope has always been a part of the romance genre. When I first started reading romance, back in those long ago days, it wasn’t a trope. It was just the truth for most heroines, besides the occasional widow or divorce, all heroines were virgins. Back in those days, I almost exclusively read historicals and I honesty never thought much about it. It made sense to me due to the culture and societal norms of those time periods for the characters to be virgins (though I now see even that as a naïve understanding of history, and not the actual truth of this time periods). Though it wasn’t just the historical heroines that were virgins back then. It was also the contemporary heroines, and the suspense heroines, and the paranormal heroines, regardless that the same cultural reasons did not exist for these heroines.

Even in the early days of erotic romance, a lot more heroines were virgins than would be assume. I still remember reading a book over ten years ago about a virgin wedding planner who makes a bargain with a bad boy to help her lose her virginity, because so many of her bridal clients were asking her questions about what happened on their wedding day and she didn’t have the answers for them (implying most, if not all, of her clients were also virgins).

Thankfully, I believe those days are behind us. As erotic romance or spicy romance has taken over more of the romance section of the bookstore, the virgin heroine has faded more and more into the distance. The virgin trope never completely disappeared, nor do I believe it should. Some stories, some characters, some heroines are virgins, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. And just as with all groups, there is a place for virgin heroines in our romances. Yet the ability for a heroine to be her own person, to have her experiences and not be shamed or demeaned for them, has been refreshing to read. And is much more representative of the real world.

But over the last few years, this trope has been on a comeback. And not just in a little way. With the popularity of dark romance, new virgin tropes are arriving every day. Virgin Auction. Virgin Arranged Marriages. Virgin Bargaining. I understand the reason for the resurgence in these types of heroines, especially in dark romance. These sweet, innocent, virginial heroines are the perfect counterbalance for those dark heroes that want to steal them away from the world. She can bring sweetness and light to his dark world, while he expands hers.

I don’t judge anyone for any trope they enjoy. There are ones that I really enjoy, and others I don’t. But to each their own, but this trope is one I struggle with personally.  Fetishizing the innocent, sweet virgin and there for by contrast demonizing the more experienced woman, is an issue we still have in society. It's one of the reasons women don’t report sexual harassment and sexual assault. It's an area of shame for many women, while a place of pride for men. And a dichotomy I don’t wish to perpetuate.

But I can even understand the appeal this trope. The evil villain tarnishing the good virgin heroine, the dark hero taking what no man has taken before. That can be very enticing, and add another layer of apprehension to the heroine who is already struggling to accept the hero as he is.

Personally, writing a virgin heroine has never truly appealed to me. Of all my books, the only one that includes a virgin character (male or female) is my historical novel, Wandering off the Path. Making Abigail a virgin made sense to me for the time and culture the characters were in, and the type of story it was (which would have been categorized as a dark romance if I published it today). This was also my first ever written erotic romance, which might have been the reason for my naivete in her sexuality as well. But other than that, my characters have always been experienced. At least in one way.

Maybe it’s because I prefer to write strong self-possessed characters, that go after what they want, and in my mind those characters have never been virgins. They certain could be, but that character and story have yet to come to me.

Or it might be because of the age of these virgin characters. Most of these virgin characters are in their late teens, or more common their early twenties. The younger age is an intrinsic part of the trope, leaning into the naïve, innocent girl persona being pursued by a more experienced, and nefarious man. The older I get, the harder it is for me to relate to these younger characters. I love to see the struggles I’m going through represented in my characters, issues with balancing work and family, deciding who you are as you grow older, finding love amongst the chaos of an already full life, those are the types of stories I love. The struggles that I had in my twenties, while being interesting and relatable when I was reading romances in my twenties, many of these stories just don’t appeal to me anymore.

Or maybe it's simply because the character’s sexuality is not an intrinsic part of the character to me. When developing a character or a story, their experience, or lack thereof, is not what I am most focused on. I’m more interested in who they are as a person. Their goals, their motivations, their desires. If they happen to be a virgin, that’s fine, but if not, that’s all the same to me.

That’s not to say that I wouldn’t ever consider writing a virgin character (male or female) for the right story. Or that I wouldn’t read one. With the right story, the right character, and of course amazing writing, I can be enticed into any story and any world. More than anything else, I want to read and write stories about characters that I can relate to and create a connection with, whether that’s because they are going through a similar time in their life, or I can feel their emotions so acutely I can’t help but relate to them, even if their anxiety is because they are locked in the tower of a dark mafia prince and mine comes from being invited to a party.

What do you think? Do you enjoy a virgin trope (either the hero or the heroine)? Do you prefer a character with more experience? Or does it not matter? I’m curious to know what others think about this trope that is quickly and ferociously making a demanding comeback, and most likely will be with us for some time to come.