Writing Lessons Learned in Motherhood

As some of you may know, a little over two years ago I had a bouncing baby boy. I don’t talk about him much in my writing life, to protect his privacy, and because I don’t think a lot of people want to be spammed with baby pictures in between sexy menage quotes.

To say that learning how to continue my writing career and balance everything else I need to do as a mom has been difficult is an understatement. But there have been a lot of bright spots too. Not just my son, who is the brightest possible spot in the universe—though I am a bit biased—but also the life lessons having to keep another little being alive has brought me.

In honor of Mother’s Day this weekend, I wanted to share the wisdom that I have acquired being a mom that I’ve applied to my writing. 

Take advantage of every minute. The time I have now is fleeting. Sometimes it’s just a few minutes while he is fascinated with a toy. Sometimes it’s a few hours while he takes a nap. It changes every day and can be very unpredictable. But having very little time has taught me how to use every minute to my advantage. Even if it’s just a few minutes, I can always find something that needs to be done.

Don’t try to remember anything. Stephen King famously never writes story ideas down before he starts a book. He says if it’s a good idea it will stay with you. Stephen King is clearly not the primary parent in his relationship. My memory has never been so spotty in my life. There is so much swimming in my head, stuff is constantly falling out. I make lists of everything. Every chore that needs to be completed around the house. Every little task that I used to just remember is now on a list on the refrigerator door. And guess what, most of them get done. What is known is what gets completed.

The same is true for your writing. The more organized you can be about your writing, the more time you will free up to actually write. Instead of worrying about what to post next on social media, keep a list of every idea that comes to you through your day and pull from that. Instead of worrying how to launch or promote your work, make a list of every task you or another author does before launch and follow it each time you have a new book come out. Add every little thing to the list. Even things you think you’ll remember. No one gets a prize for remembering it all.

One hundred percent isn’t always needed, showing up is what matters. Babies don’t need your one hundred percent all the time. As long as you are there for them, as long as you show up, they’re happy. The same is true for your manuscript. 

I used to always wait until I had one hundred percent to give before I would start anything. I would convince myself there was no use starting if I could give it my all. But I’ve learned from having a baby that you don’t always need to give one hundred percent. Sure, when you’re doing your last revision, you probably need to be fully rested and completely focused. But most of the time, seventy or eighty percent is enough.

Even if I’m tired, even if I don’t know how much I’ll get done, I try to at least do something. Because getting something done is better than nothing. And if I wait until I’m completely rested, and energized to go, it will probably never happen. But even fifty percent adds up overtime, as long as you keep showing up.

Your health is not an option. Nothing has put a strain on health like having a child in daycare. We’ve both been sick more over the last two years than we’ve been healthy (a little of an exaggeration but it’s not that far off). Which really makes you value and prioritize your health. Not only do I revel in those days when I’m not down with a cold, but I see more value in eating healthy, exercising, resting and drinking water—when I can do them. Especially when taking care of my health could mean one less cold I get from him. It might not appear the best decision for my writing career to go to bed instead of push for one more page, or to spend time making a healthy meal rather than promote a book, but making these things a priority means more time for writing, or promoting, or even just enjoying life, in the long run. Before my son, I used to put everything before my health. Especially my writing. But not anymore.

This is what I have learned so far from being a mom that I have been applying to my writing, but I’m sure as the years go on and my son grows there will only be more I’ll learn, and even more lessons I’ll be applying to my writing. Not just making me a better writer, and a better person, but hopefully a better mom too.