I wrote this piece for an online EDA (Eating Disorders Anonymous) recovery meeting. I thought it was pertinent to the struggles that some writers, particularly those of us who are neurodivergent, experience.
Called Out!
Prompt 1
Reflections on Recovery by EDA Members, May 19, page 151
Early in recovery, I was busy doing many things at once, constantly interrupting and distracting myself. I would take on too much and then be hard on myself for not being able to do it all. I felt hopeless and discouraged. The suggestion to do one thing at a time was new and eye opening to me.
I certainly feel called out by this prompt! I have spent my entire life doing too many things at once, taking on too many projects, then crashing, burning, and hating myself because I couldn't keep up with the impossible goals I had set for myself.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to focus on just one project. I have ADHD. I can focus on one project for a time, but having only one goal will lead me to becoming unsettled. Best to work with my nature rather than going entirely against it.
I watched a brilliant video last night about the nature of the ADHD mind.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-ecZKkYFR
The title of the video is Good Enough Beats Perfect When You’re Neurodivergent. I think this is true for everybody, but those of us who are neurodivergent tend to have been shamed for being distractible and having difficulty focusing. At this point I think the way people who are neurodivergent are treated is akin to the way left-handed people used to be treated. Punitive techniques are used to try to turn us "normal."
I'm an early member of gen-x. One of the first, in fact. I was born February 15, 1965. I've been punished for my distractability, oddball sleep patterns, and nervous energy from the time I was born, literally. My mother told me I was a terrible baby who never slept more than two hours at a time. When I was eighteen months old, a real schmuck of a pediatrician prescribed me phenobarbital because of my noncompliant sleep patterns. As I tend to do with psych medications, I had a paradoxical reaction to this wildly inappropriate prescription. I was awake for three days straight.
The number of people who have defended this pediatrician's actions when I tell this story never ceases to amaze me. How do you justify giving hard drugs to a toddler?
Prompt 2
Reflections on Recovery from EDA Members, May 19, page 151
… doing one thing at a time brings me clarity and peace. I don't feel frantic or rushed when I am doing one thing at a time. Instead, I feel capable and secure. Doing one thing at a time slows my thoughts and helps me remain in the moment. This is important, because wisdom, love and hope exist only in the moment. I get to be here, right now, and experience all the benefits of recovery, by doing one thing at a time.
https://odysee.com/@flowingwaters:7/hRjWTuO5hZI__10h_gentle_forest_stream_sounds_in_4k_calm_water_ambience_for_study_focus:4?r=GTwnGJ4fFBQfzuJgpHVpfKBKaC9b8B16
Forest stream sounds to calm the anxiety.
I'm learning how to focus on one thing at a time, but the ability to do this has taken a long time, and it isn't like anyone ever helped me learn to do so. Certainly, people have tried to train me to focus by shaming and threatening me. This isn't teaching, it's only enforcing compliance. If these people got what they wanted, that's all they cared about. My well-being was never a consideration.
I liked learning but I hated school. For me, school was a place where I was shown that I didn't belong, both by the classmates who bullied me in one way and the teachers who bullied me in another. I was less likely to be bullied in classes that relied on creativity. I was actually a good reader. My dyslexia tends to impact me more with directions and numbers than with words. I will sometimes discover that I've been seeing a word wrong, but often I'm able to figure things out from context. I'm also reasonably competent with spelling.
I have no internal sense of direction. By this time, I've learned what the directions are from my house. I was in my fifties when I discovered the clever mnemonic, Never Eat Shredded Wheat. I actually like shredded wheat, but this little phrase isn't really about the drawbacks of shredded wheat. It's about understanding directions when you have no sense of direction.
I know which way each direction is from my house. So, if I was sitting in a hovercraft in front of my house, I could fly it to Cheyenne by turning it around 180 degrees and going north. If I wanted to fly it to Denver, on the other hand, I would just go straight ahead. I could go to Fort Collins by turning it to the right and to Sydney, Nebraska by turning it to the left--wait, scratch that! Other way! Agh! No! I had it right the first time!
Whoops, got off track there, didn't I? That's the squirrel brain for ya!
naughtynetherworldpress.substack.com
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