Sunday, August 7, 2016

What's up with Harlie...

*This is a post from my author blog.  I don't want pity but I felt like that some people needed to know what was going on with me.  Unfortunately, NO ONE read it.  That alone just confirms what I've always thought.  

Vacation was a blast, too.  It's been too hot in Texas this summer.  We've been under a heat advisory for most of it and no rain.  Ugh!  When is winter?*

Honestly, I don’t know anymore.  I missed two self-imposed deadlines before I left on vacation and now the writing muse has decided to be on vacation.
I really thought at one point, I had it all figured out when it came to writing.  Unfortunately, I don’t.  Sad thing is, I don’t think I ever will.  People tell me that I’m a good writer and while that is nice to hear, getting the words on the paper are a completely different thing.
I’ve been told that my reviews, blog posts and musings are insightful, informative, sometimes funny but above all, well written.  I used to envy authors that got up before everyone else to write.  Or write after everyone had gone to bed.  That doesn’t work for me or my family.
My husband is the breadwinner in the family and I only work when school is in session.  Most of the year, I work every single day.  I love it but it pushes my writing to the back.  I have a child too that I help with homework, deal with his activities and such; plus, the hubby, too.  My wants and needs are pushed to the side for the most part.
Do I feel slighted?  Not really.  I would do anything for my family but there are times when I just need a break.  That break usually comes in the form of another book to review for the blog.  Sadly, I have to report, that too is coming to a close.
Did I write this post for everyone to fell sorry for me?  Nope, this is my life and to explain to all the good people that actually follow this blog to know what’s going on with me.
Hopefully, the writing muse will come back to me.  It’s not writer’s block.  My head is trying to tell me the story but I lack the motivation to actually type it out.
One of the biggest things for me as a writer is accountability.  I’m not accountable to anyone.  My family doesn’t encourage or discourage my writing life.  It’s an afterthought for them.  I wrote one thing and that’s it.  No one has ever encouraged me to write more.  Fellow authors don’t hold me accountable either.  All I ever hear from them is to WRITE!
As a reviewer, when my story came out in 2012, most blog sites wouldn’t touch it.  Some reviewers flat out refused to even read it.  Some laughed at me.  And some still do.  To be rejected from my own community hurt and still does to this day.  In fact, some bloggers I have NO further contact with because of it.  Some bloggers/reviewers have made successful careers from blogging to published author.  These are the people that I truly envy.  But here’s the thing, they had support from other bloggers, reviewers and yes, even authors.  Hell, even I supported them.  Me…not at all.  In fact, I had some authors read it and tell me to NEVER publish it.  It sucked, I should stick to reviewing.  So, there’s that…
Maybe I lack the conviction to keep writing.  I’m not sure anymore. Rejection does hurt and I overcame it but I can’t forget it.   Right now, I have school starting in 2 weeks, one more family reunion and a computer monitor to replace.  Oh and tires to replace on a Tahoe.
If you are so inclined, I’ve included the link to my Flash Fiction piece I wrote at the beginning of the month for a publisher.


Tina Donahue said...

We've all been where you are now, Harlie. Writers write because they have to, not because they necessarily want to. Writing is brutally hard work, most of the time with little reward and a great deal of loneliness/rejection/heartache. We write because it's as necessary to us as breathing, eating, being alive. Without it, we're dead inside.

The spark has to come from within you not from outside because someone praised your work. That's one person's opinion. What do you think of your writing? Do you have to do it? Is is necessary to make you happy?

I wrote my first book when I was nine years old. No one told me to do it. I did it because it made me happy. Frankly, I didn't care what anyone thought. I did it for me.

Knowing what I know now would I willingly choose a career writing? Not a chance. But would I still do it? Yeah, I would, because I have to. Without writing I don't exist. It's as much part of me as my DNA.

Count yourself lucky you have a breadwinner in the house. Many of us don't. If we don't write, push, persist, and sell, we don't eat.

Tim Smith said...

Harlie, I must concur with Tina. We all work in this crazy business for different reasons. Some are fortunate enough to make writing their full-time job, while many of us do it because we enjoy it.

I've always looked on writing as a hobby I get paid for. I also made a promise to myself when I got into this--if it ever felt like work and not fun, I'd walk away from it. Fifteen years later, I'm still having fun.

Hang in there!

Harlie Williams said...

@Tina @Tim

Writing actually stresses me out. I love to write but to submit it, nope. It's a double edge sword for me. I have 3 different stories in varying stages that I'm dying to finish but something is holding me back from finishing them.

And yes, I'm happy that my husband is the breadwinner but being an SHM does have its drawbacks. I feel like I'm not contributing to the finances fills me with anxiety at times. Substitute teaching pay is okay but not like I used to make. I thought that writing would be good for me while our son was in school but that is not the case.

I didn't mean to sound whiny in the post. I just need to figure out what my next steps are.