Wednesday, September 16, 2015

First Comes Love...then Comes Marriage...

I'm amused that the Monday post was on children and how their presence can distract some readers from the romance that is at the heart of the story.  That doesn't bother me, but then my marriage weathered having 4 kids in 5 years, both of us working multiple jobs, and still managing to find the time to keep our romance alive. That's why many of my books have women with children and the hero falls in love with the "whole package deal," because the kids come with the woman...at least until they're old enough to move out.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about marriage because the first of my children to wed will be getting married on Sunday, two states away, where he lives with his lady.  We all love her.  I told her that she's already a part of our family...the ceremony is just a formality.  But my son made a remark when he was staying here a couple of weekends ago, when he was in town for the bachelor party that his oldest brother (AKA the best man) threw for him.  He said that since they've been living together for over a year, that he didn't expect that much would change after they got married.  And that got me to pondering the changes to be encountered.

I lived with my husband for almost a year before we got married.  The biggest change that we noticed immediately was that we no longer threatened each other during arguments, that one of us would "pack our shit and leave."  Marriage means legal ramifications for splitting up the couple.  We joked that until we got married, we never combined our albums (yes, we're old enough to have both had huge collections of LPs); but once we were married, we alphabetized them together.  Don't even ask about the arguments about, say, "Does Led Zeppelin go under L or Z?" And "Stevie Rae Vaughn under R or V?" 

But we both felt there was a real difference.  Maybe the fact that we were both willing to stand in front of a judge and our families and swear to love and support one another for the rest of our lives, made us both feel relaxed enough to truly be ourselves.  And in relaxing, we allowed the other person to really get to know us on a primal level.  That level of closeness is what defines a good marriage.  That and saying "I love you" at least once per day.  And never falling asleep still angry, without making up...even if it means you have to apologize first...especially if you don't think you were wrong!

I once read::
  • When you fall in love, you think your beloved has no flaws.
  • When you love that person, you do so in spite of their flaws.
  • But when you really love someone, you do so because of their flaws, because without those flaws he/she wouldn't be the person you love.
Husband thinks I end too many of my books with the couple either married, or on their way to getting married.  I tell him that I write romance for readers who enjoy happy endings.  What could be more important, and more indicative of joy, than finding the one person you want to spend the rest of your life loving?

If you would like to read contemporary romances that feature women and men who fall in love even when they're not expecting to, and who ultimately decide to combine their lives, you can explore my books at my website: http://www.fionamcgier.com.

And my most recent book, Her Last Resort, has the heroine and hero both in their 50s, so her children are adults. Can you fall in love at any age? I think so!  How about you?


Tina Donahue said...

What a great post, Fiona - so wise. Love the quotes at the end.

Congrats to your son on his pending marriage and congrats to you and your hubby for making marriage work. :)

jean hart stewart said...

Most important rule in any marriage... never go to sleep with the last words being harsh ones...just to add to your wonderful quotes.....

Fiona McGier said...

Thanks, Tina. Don't get me wrong, marriage is work. You have to be willing to compromise on almost everything, but if you're lucky, you both will get enough of what you want to be happy.

And yes, Jean, wise words. Going to sleep angry seems to make bad kharma hang around in your dreams. Always fall asleep knowing you love the person snoring so loudly next to you!