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Saturday, August 3, 2013

Did I remember to show?

Just finished reading a  great blog by  Janice Seagraves about showing, not telling. I've got two new books on the way and they're in final edits now. I think I showed, but you never know about your own writing. I'm looking forward to these two.Fearless Pursuit will come out first, and it's the fifth book in my Passionate Pursuit series. The cover certainly shows my sexy hero and I'm hoping this excerpt tells about him. Isn't he a stud? 

"Ben didn’t know whether to groan or grin when he saw the welcoming committee waiting for him in the front hall. His father was beaming, his mother looked solemn and a tearful Jane threw herself into his arms the moment he appeared.
“Oh Ben. What did that brute do to you? Let me call for some wet cloths and see how badly you’re injured.”
It was definitely grin-time. “You should see Cliff, love. I imagine he’s still writhing on the floor. When he gets up he’ll find a jeering audience. Cliff is not at all popular, I find.”
Jane reared back and snorted. “Of course he’s not popular. He’s a monster.”
She turned to Brielle. “Ma’am, where can I take him to clean him up and see how badly he’s injured?”
Arden answered before Brielle could speak. “Believe me, Jane, Ben’s injuries are painful but not serious. I was watching the whole fight in my mind, you know. I would have stepped in if necessary. It never was. Ben acquitted himself admirably. I’m proud of him.”
Ben’s head snapped up. Weary as he was, he wondered why his elfin senses hadn’t sensed his father standing by, ready to step in if needed. He must have been angrier even than he’d thought. Grateful for his father’s love, still he was proud he hadn’t needed help.
Arden grinned. “I think you’d better take Ben to his room, Jane, and see that his wounds are cleansed. Then he probably needs to rest.”
His father’s words had a mischievous tone that snapped Ben’s weary mind to attention. Was the lust now raging through his system apparent to his father? Or was it the danger he’d been in, and he had been close to serious injury, accelerating his rampant desire for Jane. There’d been a time or two when Cliff and his wild ferocious punches had nearly laid him low.
Still he’d done it, he thought proudly. He’d beaten the bully to a pulp with his own powers. Not that he’d want to face him again tomorrow. He’d need a day or two for the bruises on his body to disappear, even with his elfin healing powers. His sexual prowess hadn’t been battered at all. He grinned at his love and Jane blushed as she walked ahead of him to his room. His elfish self rejoiced, as he found himself sporting such a huge erection he could barely walk. He hoped Jane was half as frantic as he was."
 
And here's a few paragraphs from Unexpected Christmas. This hasn't gone through final edits, but here's how I wrote it.
 
“Yes, I think I do. It’s not nearly as much as I want you , Sebastian. But if I surrender we both know what that means. I’m not worthy of your notice in the ton where you shine. And I’m not really cut out to be a mistress. I need to think.”
“Ah, Caro. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted another woman.”
She moved away from him.
“I’m not sure that’s enough, Sebastian. Maybe for you. But maybe not for me.”
She struggled through the snowdrifts to the door of that disreputable inn, and then disappeared.
He stared after her. He’d told the truth when he said he wanted her more than he’d ever wanted another woman. That was clear even to his muddled head. But how to claim her without violating her considerable pride he did not know. And if he destroyed her shining integrity would he still desire her?
Far more important, would she still value herself?
Her frank response had amazed him.
He couldn’t see his desire fading, even though his history told him otherwise. He had a distinct impression his passion for Caro was of a different dimension.
But how could a simple man know?
He went back to bringing in the last of the logs and banking the fire in the kitchen stove to make it last as long as possible. With the eggs gone, they could go back to using the main fireplace. At least that provided a modicum of heat to the bedrooms above. At the thought of the coming night, he almost felt despair. He did not dare get in bed with her again. He’d be on top of her in a minute, parting those luscious legs and making her his.
He couldn’t do that to Caro.
He’d sleep on the floor and hope they were rescued before another night. They’d better be. They’d starve and freeze, were they not. And he’d have taken her in every position he knew.
Probably for her he’d even invent some new ones.
She was so damned gorgeous, both in looks and in character.
Where he’d gotten his sudden scruples from he didn’t know. He could fuck her, leave her, and no one would know. She didn’t have any influence to stop him. She had no power in the world he lived in.
Impossible.
He could not do that to Caro.
He’d sleep on the god-damned floor, goddamn it."

These both are the non-erotic parts of the book. Would you prefer I quote from the erotic sections. Would honestly love your opinion on this. Do, do comment! Pretty please?
 Both books will be on Ellora's Cave website as well as mine, www.jeanhartstewart.com

 

 

 

5 comments:

Tina Donahue said...

Congrats on your newest releases, Jean - these excerpts are great. You definitely showed. I very much got into the stories.

I've been reading a lot of mega-popular novels lately - you know, the ones on the NYT bestseller list for months.

I'm surprised (dismayed) at how poor some of the writing is.

jean hart stewart said...

Thanks, Tina. Every author needs encouraging words now and then. I agree with you about the best sellers. I truly wonder how some of them made it so far.

Fiona McGier said...

I'm kind of torn...I like the non-erotic scenes because that lets me know if I'm going to be interested in the story, and in how the characters relate to one another. The danger in erotic scenes quoted out of context is you don't have anything invested in caring whether or not the involved parties get it on.

That being said, I do like me some hot excerpts that make me fan myself!

jean hart stewart said...

A perceptive comment, Fiona. Thanks for contributing.

Melissa Keir said...

Showing not telling is a struggle with so many authors. I wish it was easier to put into place in a story. I think keeping at it is the best way to improve.

Thanks for sharing your excerpt and I love the cover of both books!