Sunday, May 5, 2013

Some Things You Might Have Missed

Spring is finally here, the time for getting out of hibernation mode and rejoining the human race. For those who have already been busy with your warm weather activities, here are some recent happenings that may have flown under your radar.

Halle Berry, 46, says second pregnancy is “biggest surprise of my life.” – At least until the kid calls her “grandma.”

Tom Cruise “didn’t expect” Katie Holmes to file for divorce. – “That would be like Halle Berry getting pregnant at 46,” he said.

Willie Nelson turns 80 – His birthday cake was decorated with joints instead of candles. Man, that’s the gift that keeps on giving!

Kim Kardashian could be faking July due date – Either that or she really, really likes cake.

Rare Star Trek phaser sold at auction for $231,000.00 – Most of the cost covered the intergalactic background check.

Virgin Atlantic ranks highest in quality among the large airlines. – It’s really cool when they sacrifice the flight attendants.

LaToya Jackson hints on her reality show that she’s still a virgin. - Her business manager quickly canceled her reservation on Virgin Atlantic.

Avon to stop selling products in Ireland. – You can only make so many shades of green eyeliner.

Deep Throat star Harry Reems dies. – Last seen running through a hospital in a white lab coat, waving his thermometer at the Nurses and screaming “Say Aaah!”

Obama teleprompter thief gets seven years in prison. – The police showed him a screen with the words “You have the right to remain silent…”

Rob Lowe hosts miniseries devoted to the ‘80’s. – Someone had to remind him what the decade was really like. 

Patrick Duffy wants to work with Suzanne Somers on Step by Step reunion. - This just in: the cast of Full House will also reunite to explain John Stamos’ hair obsession.

Jay Leno will retire from The Tonight Show next year. – David Letterman challenges him to a grudge match at the horseshoe pit.

Gay rights group urges John Travolta to finally come out of the closet. – We all told him not to do Hairspray in drag, but did he listen?   

Matt Lauer says he’s less popular than polio. -- West Nile virus does a victory dance while eyeing second place.

Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer dismisses rumors about her rehab walk-out. – Claims she just went to the corner bar for a cold one and to shoot some pool with the guys.

Charlie Sheen blames on-air meltdown on Dave Chappelle and testosterone cream. – Separately or together?

Police find drugs on Justin Bieber’s tour bus – “Honest, I thought they were gummy bears!” he pleaded.

Twinkies will return to store shelves – They’re from a 1978 batch found in an old Battlestar Galactica lunch box.     

Have a bountiful Spring!

Tim Smith is an award-winning, bestselling author whose books range from romantic mystery/thrillers to contemporary erotic romance. His website is www.timsmithauthor.com.


Tina Donahue said...

Tim, this post is a scream - my fav:

Deep Throat star Harry Reems dies. – Last seen running through a hospital in a white lab coat, waving his thermometer at the Nurses and screaming “Say Aaah!”


You are something. You should write for a TV sitcom. :)

jean hart stewart said...

Fun!!! Lots of fun....Thanks.

Fiona McGier said...

I felt like I was reading "The Onion"! Thanks for the smiles, Tim.

Tim Smith said...

Thanks, everyone - just glad I could brighten your day a little.