Monday, October 1, 2012

Broken Heart

Recently, someone close to me set me on a month long binge of indignation and righteous fury.

It was accidental really. I was speaking with this friend about the ideas rolling around in my head, which I had lined up for the next set of books I wanted to write. All my friend gave me was a raised eyebrow, and a short sentence that asked if I was going to continue to write material which might be offensive to our religion.

Um, yeah. I am. I don't find what I write offensive. I am not forcing anyone to read what I write. As a matter of fact, I don't tell many of my family and friends I am an author because I don't want them to feel any obligation to my books. I have a specific niche. I'm okay with the knowledge that everyone doesn't like or approve of it. I write what I like to read, and hope others, with like minds, enjoy it too.

For about three weeks I forgot that.

I wrestled with my friend's eyebrow raise, and short censorious sentence. I was hurt, and angry by turns, all without saying anything to my friend. The worst part is, I didn't write. I write for enjoyment, but also to ward off depression. Outside of my children, writing is my life. It brings me joy. So, for those three weeks, I felt like I had a broken heart.

Finally, I snapped out of it. I came to grips with the fact that my friend was coming from a difference space and set of experiences. She definitely didn't mean for me to end up obsessing over her innocent comment for so long.

I won't stop writing; even if I stop selling what I write. I can't. I've been doing it since I was a young child. Plus, what would I do with all the voices in my head? It gets very uncomfortable if I don't let the dominant ones out. All those characters start to pile up.

What makes you feel alive? What makes you feel like you? What couldn't you live without?



Tina Donahue said...

If I were you, sweetie, I'd get another friend. Friends make you feel good about yourself. They don't judge. They accept that we all have differences, it's what makes you unique, one of a kind. That should be celebrated, not condemned, not even with a raised eyebrow.

If I didn't write, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't exist. It's my lifeblood, what keeps me going. IMO, a true author isn't one who does it for the fame or money. She, or he, writes because there's no other choice. It's just something you HAVE to do whether you earn a living at it or not.

Fiona McGier said...

"Plus, what would I do with all the voices in my head? It gets very uncomfortable if I don't let the dominant ones out. All those characters start to pile up..."

I'm with you! The voices get very loud and insistent sometimes! Once I realized that by writing their stories each set of characters would then be quiet, I was "hooked" on writing. But then another set starts to tell me their stories, and I'm writing again.

None of my husband's family will read what I write for about the same reason as your "friend". My MIL tells me to write something "without all of that nasty stuff", preferably a history novel, because that's what she likes to read. I told her that's not what's in my head. So to my family my writing is just "a silly little hobby that takes my time away from my real life", in which I work multiple jobs and juggle my attention between my husband and my 4 young adult kids.

But to me, the only thing that's really MINE, that couldn't possibly be done by anyone else, is my writing. So yes, even though I rarely make much from my royalties checks, I keep on writing.

Stormie Kent said...

Thanks Tina and Fiona,
Like I said, I wouldn't stop even if I could. Sometimes I think other people's opinions are just another chance for you to renew your dedication to your craft.

Fran Lee said...

Don't let that person distract you from writing. I wear my book covers on T-shirts for all the world to see, and if people get upset, I ignore them. I had one lady in a supermarket ask me about the picture on my chest, and ended up giving out business cards to half a dozen women in line. If your "friend" feels that you are insulting her religion, that is her problem, and not yours.

If you love writing, and you love to write hot books, don't allow somebody else's narrow mind to derail you.