Some people say BDSM play helps both Doms and subs cope with various traumatic experiences in their pasts. Many believe that submission in BDSM power exchange helps the sub overcome an inferiority complex and social phobias. This is especially true in the first and last books in my popular BDSM western series, HEART OF THE WEST.To me, one of the most attractive beliefs about the psychology behind BDSM is that the Dominant partner is driven by his/her desire to please his or her partner(s). This is true in most erotic romances with a male Dom, in that he creates settings where the participants can explore the submissives' fantasies. As a matter of fact, it's also true in most cases when the Domme is a woman. I like to think my Dominant characters have exhibited this desire in all of my BDSM romances.
It seems to me that the reason so many women readers love the male-dominant BDSM fantasy is that, while the Dominant controls a BDSM relationship on the surface, the actual dynamics of the relationship are controlled by the submissive. The sub sets limits as to what can and can't be explored, and he/she has the power to call a halt to a scene at any time by using a pre-established safe word. There are hard limits--things the sub absolutely will not allow--and soft ones, which may be off limits but may sometimes, in the heat of passion, be permitted. Limits, both hard ones and soft ones, change over time, as the partners become more attuned to one another.
While not many people in the vanilla fantasize over being hurt as a form of sexual play, it is very true that when a person is sexually aroused, all kinds of sexual stimulation can produce pleasure...up to a point, of course. That's why many BDSM practitioners follow "three sacred rules" about their play: it must be safe, sane and consensual. I try hard to make all my stories follow these rules, and to reveal more than just the mechanics of BDSM play when I write scenes that match each character's personality, hangups, and so on.
I just finished writing LOVERS' FEUD the first book in my new western series for Ellora's Cave. Each of the three novels goes more deeply than I've gone before into the characters' motivation to choose BDSM play, either acting out their kinky fantasies as Bye and Karen do in LOVERS' FEUD, living a 24/7 loving Dominant/submissive relationship in SHOTGUN RELATIONS, or learning not everybody who seems vanilla is vanilla in WILD CHILD, which will be book three.
Check my blog (ann-jacobs.blogspot.com) and Facebook pages in the coming weeks for outtakes and excerpts from these hot, heartwarming novels! I'll be announcing some contests closer to the release of LOVERS' FEUD.
Happy reading!
Ann Jacobs
http://annjacobs.net
https://facebook.com/AnnJacobsAuthor
MOUNTAIN HEAT, a Blush Romance coming soon from Ellora's Cave
6 comments:
Thank you, Ann for your insight. I still don't get "it" and don't write BDSM because I don't understand "it".
Great insight into BDSM, Ann. :) I've included it a bit in my writing, and the more I understand and play with it, the more I like it as a way for two (or more) adults to play and fantasize.
Fascinating post, Ann! Thank you so much. It will help me understand what I read.
I am currently reading a book with subject. Although it is not something I would do, I could not give someone that control over me, it is fansinating.
It seems to me that a part of the fascination with dom/sub play is that if the dom is a man, the woman doesn't feel like a slut, since she's not in control of what she's doing...he made her do it! Which is of course not true, because as you point out, the sub is in control as well, as the rules are worked out ahead of time.
I look forward to the day when women won't be judged or called names based on their sexual choices. Unfortunately we still haven't reached that enlightened phase yet. Old rules die hard, and the anti-women's independence people are putting up a huge fight trying to shove women back to the morals of the 50s, when only "bad" girls did, and pregnancy and diseases were unavoidable and considered appropriate "punishment" for females giving in to their natural human sexual urges.
I saw a picture on Facebook yesterday showing a man wearing a tee shirt that said he'd shoot any guy wanting to date his daughter, and that after the first time, the word would spread. My comment was, "do you also shoot females wanting to date your sons?" The double-standard gives me a pain!
Thanks so much. I haven't been able to write BDSM, but it fascinates me. Glad to understand more about it.
Post a Comment