A few weeks ago I did a luncheon talk. One of those sing-for-your-chicken events.
I wanted to do something different and not talk about my latest book, which I figured the other 3 speakers would do. (They did.)
I came up with a list of nutty traits of authors.
Bet you have one or 2 of your own. And of course, because each of us--author or tinker, tailor, solider, spy-- is goofy in our own tiny ways, I wonder if you have a trait that your family considers Ding-Dong.
Here are mine:
Writers are glamorous people.
We are obsessive, compulsive.
We don’t dare eat bonbons. We’d weigh 500 pounds.
We’re lucky if we get up from our chairs to down a glass of water.
We work in our robes.
And our pjs.
(They are usually ratty. Please donate to your favorite author a new robe or set of pjs at every birthday and Christmas.)
I do love great French and Italian (expensive!) lingerie. (Pictured here from: http://www.agentprovocateur.com )
We walk around with glazed eyes.
You can talk to us, we often don’t hear.
You know we don’t hear you. Why? You must repeat everything and ask us to regurgitate it later.
Also, please be warned: We are not neat people.
Our desks have no visible wood.
Our files are scattered everywhere.
We read so much, so often that we leave piles of TBR books everywhere. As well as on our e-readers.
Why? Because NOTHING is beyond our interest.
We can tell you at any moment any of the following:
If Napoleon died of arsenic poisoning. (He didn’t.)
Who King Tut’s father and mother were. (Aknaton and his second wife.)
Describe how a cow’s C-section is done. It ain’t pretty.
How much an adult longhorn weighs. 1000-2500 lbs.
How to kill someone in a locked building without leaving trace evidence.
The differences between MI5 and MI6 and why exactly you should know this.
What’s more, we tell you these things often!
At dinner. At cocktail parties. During soccer or ballet class carpools.
Our children are filled with this stuff.
MY children call it: MOM”S USELESS FACTS.
Please note, all 3 of my children are writers. One was a poet. One is a filmmaker. The third writes for the corporate world’s CEOs.
All my children now spout their own interesting tidbits! Therefore, this kind of odd behavior is INFECTIOUS.
Where do we go for fun and excitement?
Authors go on great research trips…and if you belong to our families, you may come too.
What are they?
The Forensic Lab of the Texas Rangers in Austin, Texas.
Vineyards in Napa or France. Wine as education! Where else could that be such a joy?
SHAKEPEAREAN FESTIVALs. Where one learns more going on those back stage tours than ever in a book. We learn how to make wigs and when and how period costumes are made.
We go to intriguing places.
BARCELONA and the 4 Cats where Pablo Picasso dined.
Venice and old cafes.
The creepy underbelly of rickety 12th century castles!
We authors never tire of this stuff!
What is your quirky little tendency? Any that affect your family?
And this is my latest release, out for Valentine's Day from Decadent Publishing with my TOYS-4-US buddies! 5000 brief words of love and scorching hot sex!