Sunday, March 20, 2011

SEX-Why is it so controversial?

I have asked myself this many times and still I have no answer. As a human being, there are biological imperatives we are born with, connected with having physical bodies. We have to eat and drink or we will die...that leads to having to eliminate. We also have an inborn drive to procreate, which reaches a fever pitch at some point in our lives...in men when they are awash in hormones and hard 24/7, and in women when their biological clock demands that they try to get pregnant. Some are born with a low sex drive and can take it or leave it, some are born with the kind of sex drive that doesn't allow them to ignore it. Not a choice...a condition of biology.
What I totally don't understand is why we are not supposed to talk about sex. Or write about sex. When in reality, trying to suppress people from talking about, reading about, watching other people, and having sex, just results in twisting what should be a normal biological drive that is easily satisfied, into a travesty that little resembles what it should be.
When you feel urges you can satisfy yourself...unless you are taught it is forbidden, in which case you will try
to ignore those impulses until that is all you can think about.
When you are attracted to someone you can choose to have sex or not to have sex. If you are a man, you are thought of as a stud if you do have sex with many women. If you are a woman, you are called nasty, insulting names if you have sex with many men.
Why is sex so different from other appetites? We not only eat and drink openly, we celebrate it by going out to restaurants to do so. No one thinks of that as odd or prohibited. So why is sex considered so "nasty"? For women, that is, not for men.
I blame religion and the tendency of people to want to tell others how to live. Religious people don't want anyone to enjoy their bodies because they figure that's not the important part of you, though I have never understood how doing things to make your body feel good impacts your immortal soul. And personally, I have no interest in learning what anyone else does in their bedroom or any other room of their house for that matter. So keep your nose out of my sex life, I'll ignore yours, and we will all be the h
As for why I write graphic sex scenes, I do so because I'm telling the story of two people who fall in love, and to me having sex is a natural, normal part of falling in love. Everyone in the world will/has fallen in love at some point in their life. Or in lust. That is universal. So why does it make some people so uncomfortable to realize that? Why is it that the people who are most interested in poking their noses into the prurient details of other people's sex lives, and in trying to be sure that no one enjoys it, at least not in the way they feel to be wrong, are the ones who are shocked at the idea of reading about it?
Hypocrisy much?
I guess I'm just confused as to the whole shame thing that is supposed to accompany writing erotic romance, or romance of any kind. If I wrote books that involved cutting to surf waves washing on the beach after the hero and heroine kiss, would that be alright? Boring, yes, but acceptable? If that's what you enjoy reading, there are books written for you. But I got bored with euphemisms and suggested activiti
es that are never shown, back when I was in high school...and that was a long time ago!
I don't write porn or one-handed reads, unless some scenes in my books inspire you in that direction, in which case, I'm flattered and you're welcome. I write stories about real people who have dreams and aspirations, and lives of their own. When they fall in love it will involve sex. Not ONLY sex, but it will be there. If you don't like to read graphic scenes, don't read my books. But if you do, I hope you enjoy mine as much as I enjoy writing them!

Fiona's website is: www.fionamcgier.com, where in honor of St. Paddy's day, her first page blog this month involves what she learned from her Dad about the religious strife in Ireland.

Prescription For Love, the 6th book in her Reyes Family Romances series, is available as a free download at:
Blurb: Enrique Reyes was named after his grandfather, and together they visited his hometown in Mexico, where Enrique is now happy being the doctor. The only thing he is missing is a wife. When Tanora Doyle, a bi-racial research biologist arrives in town, he is intrigued. But will the baggage she carries keep them apart? Or can Enrique cure whatever ails her, and solve his problem as well?

And coming April 1st from Whiskey Creek Press/Torrid will be her latest stand-alone novel:
The Reluctant Bride

Veterinarian Pamela Wilson always used to run away from home to get attention from her status-conscious, preoccupied parents. Years ago she met a man who loved her unreservedly, but her parents didn't approve of his blue-collar job, so she ran away from him too. When the ambitious lawyer she's marrying answers a phone call while she's walking down the aisle, it's the last straw! She runs away again, this time to a cabin her parents don't know about, owned by the mechanic. Does he still own it and is he still single? Will she finally stop running away and make the right decision for her future?


Tina Donahue said...

You've asked some very good questions, Fiona, and my guess is that since sex (like the desire for love, happiness, freedom) is so deeply embedded in the human psyche there are those who would try to control it in order to control the individual.

Throughout history some have used whatever means possible to control a populace. Take away a need and replace it with the cult of the personality and they have you body, heart and soul. Engage in this brainwashing from birth and they figure they'll have you to the grave.

But there will always be those of us who don't buy the 'book of rules' or 'what's right'.

I'm proud to say I'm one of them. :)

Sarah J. McNeal said...

Nothing wakes you up like a little sex talk on Sunday morning, Fiona. Thought provoking blog. What I really care about in a story, is the plot, the conflict of the characters and a happy ending. If there are some steamy pages in there, well, I'm definitely good with that. Okay, sometimes I have been known to skip to the steamy parts then go back to the story. LOL
The Reluctant Bride looks like a wonderful story. I'm voting for the mechanic already.

Adele Dubois said...

I prefer books with hot sexual content. I like to read them and I write love to write them.

Best of luck with your new release!


Delaney Diamond said...

Fiona, sex is different from other appetites because I can eat and drink without getting naked (well, you can have sex without getting completely naked, too, but you know what I mean), and I can eat and drink in public, but do you really want to have sex in public and get arrested?

Sex is way more complicated than eating and drinking. The two shouldn't be compared. If I'm in a relationship and share my sandwich with someone else, no big deal. If I share my body, big deal.

When you say "religious people" don't want people to enjoy their bodies, I'm assuming you mean extremists? Because in my experience, I haven't seen that--at least not in Christianity. If you read Song of Solomon and Paul's words in Corinthians, it's clear that there is nothing wrong with embracing our sexuality or the enjoyment of sex.

If I pick up a romance, whether it's sweet, erotic, or sensual, I need the romance too. If I want to read erotica and I'm simply looking for titillation, then that's what I'll pick up. The problem I've run into is that sometimes I've stumbled upon erotica disguised as erotic romance.

In those cases, the sex is gratuitous, and I get bored. I've actually skipped sex scenes because I've thought, jeez, they're having sex again?. Then there are times when a writer may have a lot of sex scenes, but there's so much going on in the book that it works for me. I just finished reading a book like that and I absolutely loved it and look forward to reading more by the author.

Good luck with your latest release. It sounds interesting!

Fiona McGier said...

Hey Tina, I'm a rule-breaker also, from way back!
Sarah, I forgot this was going live on Sunday morning! My Dad always called us "7th Day Absentists", because we were home sleeping in on Sunday morning. As I got older I realized that since God is omniscient, He knows where to find me even if I'm sleeping in...and He knows how hard I work all week. Besides, even He rested on the 7th day!
Adele, I'm with you-I like those hot steamy scenes!
Delaney, to me, erotica has almost no plot, because the plot is only a thin construct to get you from one sex scene to another. My stories have strongly-developed characters who have full lives before they meet each other. When they fall in love, steamy sex is a part of how they bond with each other, but not the only part. I call it erotic romance so that readers who are looking for euphemisms don't pick up my books. That being said, I read a discussion recently on swearing and using things like the "f" word or the "c" word in sex scenes. I don't like nasty talk like that during sex, so my heroines don't either. I don't think of sex as nasty, but as one of the best things we can do with our bodies! I hope that my books help celebrate how joyful it can be, and how integral to bonding two people together.
Thanks for the comments.

Roxy Jacobs said...

If you think about it, our dietary appetites are frowned on just as much. If you are on an extreme diet or exclusionary diet, you get smirked at or snubbed. And then there's gluttony...I like the sex scenes to fit the story, from sweet to molten.

Delaney Diamond said...

That's a good point, Roxy. It's the extremes that seem to get all the attention and give everything else a bad name.

Fiona, I agree--erotica is more about titillation, which is why I get frustrated when I pick up a book that's classified as erotic romance and it's really erotica.

A no-no word for me is c*nt. Ugh! Is that the one you're talking about? I don't like when I read it in romance novels.

I'm looking forward to reading Secret Love. Don't know when I'll get to it, but it's on my list.

Great discussion!